Joke of the Day

Married Life

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or spend twenty years in jail?"

"Yes, I do," she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know, I would have gotten out today."

United Nations Plaza

On June 1, 2005, environmentalists and mayors from around the world will be gathering for a five-day U.N. World Environmental Day in San Francisco. The City is furiously overhauling the drug-addled space between Market Street and Civic Center.

According to an article in the San Francisco Examiner on Tuesday, "the environmental summit will include U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan and hundreds of mayors from capitals as diverse as London, Shanghai, Buenos Aires, and Sydney. The United Nations charter was signed June 26, 1945 in the Herbst Theater auditorium and Civic Center Plaza will host both opening ceremonies June 2 and the signing of the "urban environment accords" June 5."

Last Tuesday, bricklayers were setting the last of 10,000 new bricks in the plaza's southeastern corner, an area that will eventually, though not in time for June 1, sport a café with tables, chairs, and a bollard fence. Meanwhile, workers wheeled fresh sod into the plaza, laying it down on new granite beds built next to the Civic Center BART entrance. Along the plaza, 16 large, globe-shaped lights have been installed, and five new lamps illuminate the space in front of Carl's Jr., long an open-air bazaar for uppers and downers and stolen bikes. Today, public works will start hanging flags of 191 U.N. nations on wire stretched across the plaza.

My walk to work takes me right through the United Nations Plaza every morning and I would just like to say it looks really, really nice now. The globe-shaped lights that surround the plaza are really amazing. I was looking at the detail of each globe and I can actually make out all of the countries, which is really cool considering the globes are huge and on pillars about 10 feet off the ground. As for the flags representing all 191 United Nations members, they were being assembled this morning and had the potential to add just the right touch to the plaza.

I just hope that after the conference next week the United Nations Plaza remains as nice as it does right now.

Fidgety Habits

A new study from the Mayo Clinic shows that fidgety people can burn up to 350 calories more a day than people who sit still simply by doing what they do best -- fidgeting. If you decide to forego the gym -- chewing gum burns 11 calories an hour (if you chew six pieces at a time), standing instead of sitting can burn up to 20 calories an hour, and toe-tapping can burn nine calories an hour.

So, for example, let's say that during my half hour break, I chose to stand...on my head, while chewing 10 pieces of gum, and tapping both my feet...I'd say that losing weight is the least of my problems.

Joke of the Day

How to Know if You're a Redneck Jedi

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

2. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.

3. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.

4. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

5. You think that the Stormtrooper Elite Guards are just KKK members with really good sheets.

6. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.

7. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.

8. Your master has said, ''My finger you will pull..hmmm?''

9. You have lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

10. Wookies are offended by your B.O.

Joke courtesy of Comedy Central.

Dessert Recipe of the Day

Chocolate Banana Cream Pie

Ingredients:

-1 frozen pie shell, pricked several times with tines of a fork

-1 package instant chocolate pudding, prepared to package directions

-2 ripe bananas, sliced thin on an angle

-1 can spray whipped cream

-1 dark chocolate candy bar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Bake pie shell 10 to 12 minutes, until golden. Remove from oven and let cool.

Line the baked and cooled pie shell with a layer of chocolate pudding, half of the prepared amount. Add a layer of bananas. Top with remaining prepared instant chocolate pudding and remaining bananas. Cover the top with a giant swirl of whip cream from the spray can, starting at the center and working out. Shave a chocolate bar with a vegetable peeler and top pie with shavings. Serve immediately.

Recipe courtesy of Rachael Ray of the Food Network.

Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith

I am reading the latest figures from the ticket sales from the final installment of the Star Wars saga. It is amazing that "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith" sold an estimated $108.5 million worth of tickets for the Friday-to-Sunday period, taking its total to $158.5 million since it opened after midnight on Thursday.

Totally amazing.

The May Revise

Last Friday, the Governor released his revised version of the new state budget, known as the May Revise.

According to the summary released by the Legislative Analyst's Office (a non-partisan fiscal and policy advisory group), the May Revision "proposes to use about $4 billion in new funds generated from an improved revenue outlook to reduce budgetary debt and restore the Proposition 42 transfer to transportation. We believes that the administration’s general approach of using the resources for debt reduction and one-time purposes is sensible in light of the state’s structural budget shortfall. We strongly urge the Legislature to aim at ongoing solutions which are of the same magnitude as the administration’s proposal."

Now I haven't had time to go through the new budget revise, but I am confused about the LAO's urge to the Legislature "to aim at ongoing solutions which are of the same magnitude as the administration's proposal." Now isn't that a jumbled way of saying "stop what you are doing because its not working and do what the administration is doing?" I could be wrong, but I don't think that urging the Legislature "to aim at ongoing solutions" is the answer to our budget crisis. Aside from the fact that the Legislature is just one aspect of this budget process, "to aim at ongoing solutions" is such a helpful phrase and will definitely inspire the Legislature do its part in fixing our state budget. Plus, I would like to think and hope that the Legislature and the administration have, and are, currently aiming at ongoing solutions to balance this budget.

But that's just me.

Its Movie Time

The summer movies are finally starting to roll in. You know what this means...longer lines at the theatres, more kids being loud during the movie, but...a better selection of movies.

Today is the opening of "Kicking and Screaming" and I am excited. It got some pretty good reviews in the local paper, so that should be encouraging.

Then, of course, next week is the premier of "Star Wars: Episode III." The reviews that have already hit are saying nothing but positive things. So that should be exciting.

The following week will be the debut of the first animated movie of the summer, "Madagascar." This is a Dreamworks picture (not as good as Pixar, but hopefully will improve over time) and has a fairly good cast.

A good start to a, potentially, great summer movie list.

Frappuccino

I am sitting at my desk at work and thinking about a nice cool Frappuccino.

I am thinking that I should browse Starbucks' website to see if it will fulfill my craving. And then I learn that there is a new flavor that will hit stores just in time for summer. Its the Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino.

Now I have always been a big fan of the Starbuck's Caramel Frappuccino, but how can I go wrong with a Mint Mocha Chip Frappuccino? Granted it doesn't have the sweetness of the caramel, but it still must be good.

Hmm...nope didn't help the craving.

Fortune Cookie Tells All

In a weird coincidence, some 110 people were all second prize winners in the Powerball lottery drawing on March 30. Some lottery officials suspected fraud when, in fact, many winners reported getting their numbers inside fortune cookies.

The cookies all came from the same factory in Long Island City with the combination of 22, 28, 32, 33, 39.

Never underestimate the power of a fortune cookie.

Dog Attacks Cat

I am not a big animal lover or an animal rights activist by any means, so I don't know if the reason why I hate this story is because of its content or because I am just not partial to animals.

In Seattle, Washington, a woman who sued a neighbor after his dog mauled her cat to death has been awarded more than $45,000. According to the report, the plaintiff's 12-year-old cat, Yofi, was attacked in her back yard by a neighbor's dog. The dog owner, said the death of the black and white cat left her with sleep disturbances, panic attacks and depression, causing her to begin smoking heavily. The amount awarded included $30,000 for the pet's special value and $15,000 for emotional distress.

You have got to be kidding me.

This is totally ridiculous. Is it wrong that I believe this case should not even have made it to court? Shouldn't the two parties have found some way to resolve this situation outside of court without using taxpayer dollars to decide "fault" over an animal fight? I mean, we are talking about a dead cat, not a dead child. The fact that so much of a person's happiness could rest on a pet, much less that a person would sue over the death of an animal that could climb a tree but not be able to find its own way down, is absolutely absurd.

Wine Marketed to Women

There is a new product on the market, White Lie Early Season chardonnay. According to one winery, women want a lower-alcoholic wine. So Beringer Blass Wine Estates is aiming its wine directly at women. This new wine product will be sold for less than $10 a bottle (a major steal in the wine market) and has about 9.8 percent alcohol as compared to the 13 to 14 percent in some other vintages wines.

According to its developers, this lower-alcohol wine is meant to taste great without the “fuzz factor.” Studies have found that wine affects women more than men because women metabolize alcohol more slowly. When a man drinks, 30 percent of the alcohol is eliminated in his stomach, but for women only 10 percent metabolizes.

As for me, I think this is great. I have been looking for a wine that I can drink socially (with a light and fruity taste but without the alcoholic taste and effect) because I am surrounded by people who like to drink alcoholic beverages. Whether I am out at a business related event or with friends, it will be nice to have something to order that is alcoholic (so I don’t make others feel uncomfortable drinking around me but also so that I can have an alcoholic beverage that I enjoy as well).

I look forward to trying it.

A 15 pound burger

Clearfield, Pennsylvania is home to the world's biggest burger.

I saw a story on Good Morning America this morning about a burger that weighs 15 pounds.

At the Denny's Beer Barrel Pubb, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers and a bun.

It costs $30.

If you should happen to finish such a monstrosity of a burger within the three hour time limit, then the burger is free and you receive a special certificate, a T-shirt and the choice of other prizes.

OK, so let me get this straight, Americans are now facing a health epidemic of obesity, right? It seems like a high percentage of Americans are facing weight problems these days and a vast number of children have heart problems and diabetes at a younger age than years past. Granted, these problems may have no correlation to the amount of food that we all intake, but it can't be ruled out either. So shouldn't that mean that burgers that weigh, oh I don't know, more than a newborn baby, not be considered a challenge to finish but seen as disgusting and really bad for you?

But what do I know.