Getting Ready

I’ve been getting ready for my trip to New Orleans and I have to say I’m very excited. I don’t know what I’m more excited about…getting to go to New Orleans, trying the food, or enjoying a vacation away from everything. It’s a tough call. But, either way, I’m excited. :-)

During the last few days, I’ve been researching what I want to see, what I want to do…and, more importantly, what I want to eat. I have quite a few places on my list that I want to visit and try based on my research and some recommendations…so hopefully they will all live up to the hype. I need to work on getting my stomach back into eating mode so I will be able to enjoy the full extent of foods that New Orleans has to offer. I don’t recall having the opportunity to try Cajun or Creole food before…but I’m looking forward to it. The food in New Orleans is suppose to be amazing...although I guess that's not really a fair statement, I can’t think of a place where I would want to visit but wouldn’t want to experience the food. Food is such a big part of traveling and experiencing new things…so hey, bring on the food.

On the downside, I hear the weather in New Orleans is going to be quite miserable next week. All the travel books that I looked at said that the most uncomfortable time to be in New Orleans is when the weather gets really hot and humid… roughly around July and August…and since I’m going to be there next week, my vacation falls smack in the middle of hurricane season. Isn't that just great? But despite that…I’m going to suck it up and have a great time.

So I’ll bring back some pictures and catch up with everyone when I return.

Relatively Better

After a seemingly long week, I’m doing…relatively better. Granted, family stuff is starting to weigh me down, my friends are trying overly hard to make me feel better, and work is kicking my ass…but other than that…things are relatively ok. And it's about time I snap out of it and get back into the swing of things anyway. I mean, I’m, hopefully, looking at a short week at work, a nice relaxing weekend, and then a trip to New Orleans next week. So…I’m doing better.

Returning to work last week was mildly torturous. Not only was I unable to sleep (without having the darkest and scariest dreams I’ve ever had, but also finding myself tossing and turning feeling extremely anxious and restless), but my appetite was completely nonexistent. Can you believe I just said that? Me, the lover of all foods, couldn’t bring myself to eat? It was sad, but, very true. I couldn’t even get myself to eat sushi…much less any other type of food. And you know it’s bad if I can’t even eat sushi. Yeah, emotional heartache is the best diet I’ve ever known. :-(

But, like I said, I’m doing better. I’m looking forward to returning to the land of the living again. After spending so much time watching dvds and listening to music to drown away my sorrows, I regretfully admit that I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I'm a sucker for fairy tales and I love happy endings. I know, I know, it's so unlike me. But, alas, it's true. I digress, I can complain/talk about this some other time. Anyway, since I can now bring myself to eat, I don’t have to lock myself in my cube and my apartment avoiding all other life forms…which will be nice. My portion sizes still aren’t what they used to be…but hey, at least I’m eating now. Also, I’m definitely less emotional this week than I was last week. You couldn’t imagine the looks that I got last week…I was definitely not feeling up to being around and talking to people, and I don’t think I hid my feelings very well. Haha. I gotta work on that.

My Feelings

I didn’t know I could ever feel this bad,
A mix of emotions from confusion, hurt to just being sad.
I feel like my heart is split in two,
And I can’t mend it because I just don’t have enough glue.
All the good times have been swirling around in my head,
It makes my insides hurt because I feel quite dead.
I want things to be perfect and right again,
And not only in my mind where I have to just pretend.
I wish there was something I could do,
So I wouldn’t have to sit around and feel so blue.
I want to be able to work things out,
But doing it alone will fail without a doubt.
I just need to talk out my feelings,
To bring myself to a point where I can start healing.
I don’t want to lose everything from the past,
I want to work towards making a friendship really last.
I don’t want you to disappear from my life,
That pain would be worse than being slashed with a knife.
I know I can put in the effort to being a good friend,
Because I would hate for this to be the very end.
Who knows what the future may hold,
Because in this crazy game of life, I can’t afford to fold.

Pure Hell

Yeah, I’m not having a great week (to say the very least…as you can tell since I’m blogging for the third time in a week)…this week has been pure hell, and the worst part is it’s only Wednesday. With the way my luck is going, I shouldn’t be too surprised if I get struck by lightning tomorrow. That might be a blessing in disguise actually. :-/

I spent another sleepless night tossing and turning trying to figure out how things could have changed so dramatically in 48 hours. What happened? How did I end up in this place, feeling this bad? And more importantly, where do I go from here? I swear that I’ve felt pain before, I know everyone has, but damnit…this sucks because I don’t remember it ever feeling this bad. I’m still feeling a lot of the same feelings that I was yesterday…but only ten times worse. Throw in a pinch of rejection, a teaspoon of frustration, a tablespoon of confusion, and a cup of hurt…and I got myself a smorgasbord of emotions running through me right now. *sigh* What do I do? What can I do? Just please, make the pain stop and go away.

Since my vacation time from work is still in effect (and I’m totally not ready to return to work), I’m hoping I can get myself back under control and ready to face the world. I will be ok. I need to be ok. I have to be ok.

Pissed

With my mini-vacation cancelled, work stresses affecting my psyche, and a long sleepless night behind me…what am I to do? I find myself sitting in front of my computer feeling the complete opposite than I had when I blogged less than 24 hours ago. My optimism is gone, my excitement is gone…and my sanity will probably be the next to go.

Without getting into too much detail, I will just say this…after spending a lot of time looking forward to a vacation and some time away from work and the Bay Area, I find myself royally pissed off, extremely irritated, and majorly disappointed. I mean, I should be sitting on a plane right now!!! But instead, I find myself trying to make the best out of a situation that I didn't create for myself, trying to keep my spirits up even though I'm feeling totally rejected, and trying to come to terms with a decision that was taken out of my hands and made for me. To compound matters, there isn't a damn thing I can do to change the situation and make things better.

Since I refuse to use my vacation time mopping around and doing nothing super exciting…I’m using my day off today to try to get myself out of this rut and ready to return to work tomorrow. Lovely.

Middle of July

Can you believe that we are halfway through July and 2009 already? Half of this year is over and there are only six months before 2010 rolls around. That’s nuts. It seems like just yesterday I celebrated the beginning of the millennium…much less rung in 2009 in New York earlier this year. And now, I’m sitting in front of my computer complaining about the first half of 2009 passing me by. Where has all the time gone? Man, I feel like an old person reminiscing about the past. But…damnit…I’m right this time. It seems like I blinked and half of the year just flew by. I don’t care what anybody says, that’s crazy.

So what do I have planned for the rest of my year? With only another half a year to go before another year passes me by, I need to make sure that the rest of the year is everything I want it to be. Granted, the first half of 2009 has been pretty good so I don’t have any major complaints…but I am just working to keep it like that. I have a few vacations planned over the course of the next six months that I’m looking forward to…and I’m hoping that I can add one or two more to that list as well.

As for this week, I’m leaving for a mini-vacation tomorrow and hoping that I can enjoy some time away from the daily grind. Work has been testing my patience the last few days and I need to get away to calm myself and get refocused. I’ll be spending some time outdoors immersing myself in nature and enjoying the beauty of the earth…ok well maybe that’s a little over the top, but bottom line is I have the chance to get away for awhile and relax…which I’m super excited about.

So with that said…I’m off.

Doorknob

At a BYOL gathering last night, there was a very weird discussion that took place about a farting game…and I just feel the need to share it with you all.

The conversation was, of course, started by the boys and I was left trying to make some sense out of it. Let me lay all this out on the table and then provide my comments. If Person A farts, Person B can call “doorknob” and can proceed to beat Person A until Person A can find and touch a doorknob. I know I’m getting those confused WTF looks from you, but let me continue. Person A can only avoid a beat down if immediately after farting, Person A calls “safety” which would nullify this exercise and protect Person A from getting hit. Make sense?

This conversation, explanation, and discussion lasted for about half an hour last night (probably twenty nine minutes longer than it really needed to…but whatever). I was entertained by this whole concept and thought the discussion following the explanation was rather hilarious. My only concern with the game is that not only does it encourage farting in public (which I’m definitely not a strong supporter of), but if Person A farts and then proceeds to call “safety”…wouldn't you assume that the underlying meaning of that message is that Person B should run for cover because the smell is really bad? I don't know, I guess that's just me.

I was really quite intrigued by this conversation and what I learned. I guess what they say is true…you really can learn something new every day.